Friday Favorites

This week I thought I'd share with you some of my newest favorite things!  

1. Pull of Gravity Film by El Sawyer.  El recently spoke at SPARC Re-Entry conference in Homestead, PA about his journey from the streets to the studio. While he was incarcerated, he found a love for video.  In this film, he and his colleagues interview men who feel the pull towards street life and easy money, like the pull of gravity on their lives. It was insightful and inspiring. 


2. I just discovered this Celine Dion and Ne-Yo song! I have loved Celine Dion since Elementary school. And you can't deny Ne-Yo is smooth!

3. Making testimonial videos! I finished up two Incredible Years parenting classes this week, and a few of my clients sat down with me to record testimonials.  Their stories are so inspiring! Hopefully I'll get those edited and shared in the next few weeks. 

4. Babycakes! I can't believe Aunt Shauna's little guy is 1 year old already! He is so precious!

Don't forget to savor the little things! 

Have a blessed weekend! And TGIF!

Throwback Thursday: Life-Giving Friendships

I wrote this newsletter article a couple of years ago when I was finished up graduate school and was reminded about it after a conversation with a friend I really value, but haven't kept up with very well.  I'm continuing to learn about friendship and what my strengths and weaknesses are as a friend.  Over this past year, I have seen many of my friendships grow a lot deeper.  A few have stayed the same and a few have faded, but I've accepted now that is part of life. I am so, so grateful for my Life-Giving Friends, and I'm glad for this reminder to help me be a better friend!  Here is an inspiring message I heard back when I was writing this article by John Maxwell when he visited Highlands: http://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/covenant-friendships.  May your friendships be blessed! (Below are lovely pictures of a few of my life-giving friends, although I could probably name even more people who have been pouring into me this season!) Enjoy!

My Birthday Celebration!

My Recent Inspiration

Besties for SO LONG now!

My Go-To Road Trip Phone Buddy!

This Amazingly Fun Crew

And of course, this hipster chick.

Life-giving Friendship

“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:25

            As my time in Auburn, Alabama comes to an end, I’m realizing just how much I have learned these past two years: about God, about life, and about people.  One lesson I have truly learned is about life-giving friendships.  When I first moved 1,000 miles away from home, I remember having a moment thinking, “What am I doing? Why am I moving away from all of the close relationships that I have to a place where I don’t know a single soul?” I was terrified and had quite a few talks with God begging Him to help me make new friends and keep the old.  I realize now that God was molding me. In this transition, I learned not only how to make new life-giving friendships, but what it takes to keep life-giving friendships from a distance.  And as I’m sure you know already, it is NOT easy.

I believe that God created us to be relational, and He wants us to live connected to other believers.  I also believe that as fallen human beings, we are incredibly self-absorbed.  To have life-giving friendships, you first have to be a life-giving friend.  This means that, first, you must know what is a life-giving friend, and second, you must stop being so focused on yourself. 

A life-giving friend has a slightly different definition for every person, but simply, it is a friend who gives you energy and helps you be renewed.  For me, a life-giving friend is encouraging, thoughtful, and a good communicator.   She remembers to call.  She makes me laugh.  She doesn’t judge or criticize, but keeps me accountable when she needs to do so.  Importantly, a life-giving friendship is reciprocal—we both give to the other, rather than one person always doing the work.

Mainly, a life-giving friend intentionally builds a relationship, even when it is not easy.  So to be a life-giving friend, you must be able to step outside of your own stressors and make time to connect.  A convenient friend connects when they are bored and life is calm.  A life-giving friend commits time and energy to friendship when life is hectic.  I know I struggle to be a life-giving friend when my schedule fills up and my energy is drained.  It takes work, especially in those moments, to be the intentional and caring person I want to be rather than the selfish and greedy person that I am.  But being a life-giving friend isn’t about pouring out all your resources to every person you meet, but rather choosing the friendships that help you grow the most and devoting yourself to those.

The benefits of friendship are amazing.  I have been so blessed by friends at Auburn who cheer me up after a bad day at work, pray for me when times are tough, or help me move a million boxes in 90 degree heat.  But I have also been blessed by friends at a distance who take time to make a trip to see me, send a card via snail mail, call just to check in, or realize when I’m not being true to myself when I may not notice.  These friends can talk to me about my relationship with God, outside of a church building no less! We encourage each other in the Lord, and I can only imagine where I’d be without these friends.   As we grow to be more like Christ, the ultimate Life-giving Friend, our earthly friendships will be transformed as well.  My prayer for you is that God blesses you with life-giving friendships and gives you the strength to be a life-giving friend today.

Love in Christ,

                        Shauna Staranko

Create Your Space: Patio

I love to surround myself with beautiful things. I am a very visual person, so decorating is an important way I express myself and create spaces that are calming and enjoyable.  My parents and I recently vamped up their patio to enjoy in this sunny weather. Check out the before and after:

I love this space to read, have a drink, or just clear my head on a nice day. The outdoor carpet (Walmart) and the flowers (Penn State Master Gardeners) bring some nice color to the otherwise neutral space. The coffee table is key to making the space usable for me, and the comfy chairs are arranged for quality time with friends and family. 

What beauty have you surrounded yourself with today? Create your space to relax and be you!

Moms are Awesome!

I love this video from Kid President! 

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all the moms out there lovin' on their children! I'm so blessed to know so many wonderful women who inspire me to be a great mother one day. Moms are awesome!

Throwback Thursday: Search My Heart

For Lent of 2012, Buchanan put together a devotional. My contribution was inspired by Psalm 139 and the vulnerability I felt in reading these words. Two years later, I still find this challenging. I'm so grateful for the Lord's patience with me. 

I spent Easter 2012 at my friend Kim's in Auburn. This is from her garden!

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23-24

In Psalm 139, David is praising God for how well God knows him, the God who knit him together in his mother’s womb.  David writes this song in boldness, asking God to search him for his impurities.  If you are anything like me, you are thinking, “Ask God to search me? Isn’t that a bit like praying for humility? Aren’t I just asking for disaster?” I find it frightening to ask God to reveal to me the areas I need to work on, particularly because I am afraid there will just be too many.  Can’t I just go on living in oblivion to my many sinful ways?

While it scares me to ask the Lord to search my heart and mind, I know it is the only way that I can truly grow in my walk with God.  I do many things each day that grieve the Holy Spirit and keep me from distant from God, but sadly I have no clue that I am doing them.  Whether it be thinking negative thoughts or placing things of this world before the things of heaven (e.g. watching TV way more than I read my Bible---guilty!), I am keeping myself away from the blessings of the life that God wants for me. 

So often, we get trapped in a one sided relationship with God where we ask Him to do things for us, but we never respond to what He desires.  He desires closeness with you! When you ask God to search you and show you any offensive way in yourself, you are opening yourself up to responding to His call.   When you humble yourself and surrender to His ways, you can grow in your relationship with the Mighty God.  

Are you ready to open yourself up to a deeper relationship with Him?  Are you striving to become more like Christ?  You cannot do it on your own.  We must surrender our hearts and minds–our whole lives—to the one true God and be tested by His Spirit.  Real change comes when we admit we are broken, and we ask the Lord to fix us.  Be searched this season as we reflect on Christ’s gift of salvation.  Open to God’s revelation of ways you can grow and prepare for the amazing life He is giving to you!

Heavenly God, You are the Holy of Holies! Search me, Lord, and know me. Look into my heart and reveal to me the areas of myself I need to work on.  Give me the strength of Your Spirit and help me to resist temptation.  Restore me and guide me to the life You desire for me. Help me to seek You everyday, and give me the boldness to focus on treasures in heaven and not on earth.  In the name of Christ Jesus I pray, Amen. 

5 Quick Tips for Saving Money

One important part of well-being is financial wellness. I try to be a good steward with the money God has provided for me, although I'm certainly not perfect.  I'm trying to build my saving in preparation for future purchases, so I'm being extra aware of where my money has been going. I use mint.com to help me see (in my very visual style--they have pie charts!) the categories on which I spend the most. For me, it's food/eating out/coffee! So if you have similar spending habits, here are the tips I've found most useful!

Lauren and I going to free admission night at the Warhol

1. Pack your lunch
Buying fast food for lunch can quickly add up (in your bank account, not to mention on your waistline). Instead of eating out or ordering in, bring lunch from home.  I love to bring left-overs in glass containers to heat up in the microwave.  I put them straight into lunch-size containers after dinner so I can grab and go in the morning. I also keep fruit snacks, greek yogurt, string cheese, and fresh fruit in the house so I can have a quick and yummy variety. If you are super disciplined, you could pack the night before. But hey, that's not me.

2. Shop at Aldi's
No, Aldi's isn't paying me for this one. But grocery shopping at Aldi's saved me big time when I was living on my own.  They have a great organic selection too, so while I'd love to shop at Whole Foods, I just can't afford it.  I buy what's in season and on sale. I also make a list beforehand, so I don't get distracted by impulse buys.  Along with groceries, I go meatless a few times a week. I love soup, salads, nachos with beans... I've never been one to crave meats, so I save lots this way.

3. Make coffee at home
I am addicted to coffee, so if you aren't, you are saving money right off the bat. But I love it too much to let it go. So instead of buying on my way to work, I make it (Or if you really want to make me happy, make my coffee for me. I'll love you forever...) at home and bring a travel mug for the car.  Coffee is a special treat for me when I buy it at Starbucks.  I signed up for the rewards program, so I can justify my purchases. :) I also love a good deal, and Dunkin Donuts has an awesome special right now--- $1 iced coffee from 2-6pm.  My amazing co-worker Shana got me hooked. It's my afternoon treat when I have to work a long evening. But it's so cheap and SO GOOD!

4. Find free fun
It is easy to spend $20-30 on a night out. I'm lucky to have friends who also like to save money, so we find ways to have fun that don't cost a lot. If we want to go out, we have a light dinner at home first then split an appetizer. When we get really lucky, we can find a free concert or a free admission night. The Andy Warhol had free admission Fridays in March, and Lauren and I took advantage. It was well worth the gas money!

5. Tithe
Letting money go does not always make "sense" or feel comfortable, but for me, tithing is the wisest investment I have made.  When I give back to God what is already His, I see blessings poured down ten-fold on me.  I can't explain it, but tithing works.  I trust Him, and He provides for me.

What ways have you found to save a few bucks?

Throwback Thursday: The Cure for Anxiety

I wrote this article almost 3 years ago for BCOG. I still struggle with anxiety, but I most likely always will to some degree.  I do think that I am much better at recognizing when I'm starting to worry and finding ways to be "still".  God does offer a cure for anxiety, we just have to be willing to "take our Daily Medication"!

The Cure for Anxiety

This is why I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the sky: they don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they?  Can any of you add a single cubit to his height by worrying? Matthew 6:25-27.

            In Matthew 6, Jesus is giving his “cure for anxiety”.   These verses have a special message for me, someone who has a tendency to be quite anxious at times.   I know my anxiety can be really harmful to my physical and mental health (not to mention my spiritual health).  Yet, my anxiety also drives me to work really hard and be successful.  I like to have a plan, and I like to be in control.  And so I worry: Am I working hard enough on this? Am I saving enough money for that?  Did I waste too much time going there?  I think, think, think—hoping that “thinking” will make some sort of difference or that working will solve all my problems. 

            I know to trust God.  I’ve heard it and said it many, many times, as I’m sure you have also.  Trusting God is vitally important to our Christian lives.  Trusting God is our air, our light, and our energy—I’m not doubting that.  God loves me more than the sparrow—yes, I believe that, too.  Does God not take care of the sparrow? He will also take care of you.  It makes perfect sense.

But, there’s one part I always leave out in my thoughts on this verse: “they don’t sow or reap or gather into barns.“ It’s an easy part to skip, but it is the part to which I really need to pay attention.  The birds are not working so that God will feed them.  How often do I think, “I am going to work really hard and plan it all out, and then I can trust God with this”?  All the time!  I “trust” God, but I’m trying to do all of the work.  It’d be like your mother-in-law agreeing that you are hosting Christmas dinner at your house this year, but then she comes in and does all the cooking and the decorating without even consulting you.   If she’s doing all the work, are you really in charge?  We do the same thing with God.  We work so hard and worry if we’re doing enough, when all the while He’s saying, “I’ve got it! Stop trying so hard and just rest in Me.”. 

As a therapist, anxiety is one of the most common conditions I see.  Anxiety is so interesting to me because it affects our lives in every dimension: the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual.  Key to conquering anxiety is involving all of these dimensions in our time with God.   Take time to rest and meditate on the Word of God.  Spend time in prayer with Him.   If you are resting your body, quieting your mind, and stilling your spirit in Him instead of working, you can really begin to trust God with all of your worries.

Love in Christ,

            Shauna Staranko

Happy Shower

Today we celebrated Stefanie and Matt's upcoming marriage with Stef's Bridal Shower. The shower was absolutely beautiful! And I LOVED spending time with my Gram, aunts, and cousins. Isn't my family so pretty? They definitely fueled my soul today.

After the shower, mom and I went grocery shopping for healthy meals this week. I pre-packed salads for the week. I realized that preparation is key for me eating healthy during the week. Since I'm constantly running late in the morning, making meals at night keeps me from running out the door and having to buy fast food!

Here is my spinach, chicken, strawberry, dried cherries, and almond salad:

Make this week great!
Shauna

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful parents, who have been married 28 years today! They have taught me so much about what it means to love unconditionally, to fight and make up, and how to stay married to your best friend. 

Mom and Dad, I love you both so much! Here's to 28 more!

Throwback Thursday: Beautiful Gratitude

This "Throwback Thursday" I'm bringing back an article I wrote last summer for Buchanan's newsletter.  This article was inspired by the amazing work of Ann Voskamp of "One Thousand Gifts". I highly recommend her book for beautiful reflections of God in everyday moments. 

Beautiful Gratitude

Although the Thanksgiving holiday is still months away, I have been feeling God’s call to gratitude recently.  God has provided in marvelous ways and created such a beautiful world for us humans to explore.  Each beautiful thing on earth is just a glimpse of His Glory.  So often we go through life taking beauty for granted. We rush and get distracted and complain.  We feel the weight and the pain of the world.  So easily, we find the ugly in every day.  We become numb to the glory. 

I recently discovered the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Like so many of us, Ann has been burdened by the grief and trauma of this world. In her book, she poetically captures her journey for communion with God through thanksgiving.  She does not just count her blessings in the standard “Thank you for my family, thank you for my friends, thank you for my home.”  Rather, she looks for God in the everyday—the beauty at our fingertips.  Her lists of gifts includes: Morning shadows across the old floors, Jam piled high on the toast, and Cry of blue jay from high in the spruce.  Her list is a peek into the Creator by appreciating the created.  And through this gratitude, she finds closeness with God—a lifting of her burdens.

Ann has been an inspiration to me, to stop and smell the roses, as they say.  She reminds me of God’s call to notice: walks at night with a warm breeze, the green of spring leaves, the warm glow of a candle’s flame, and the perfect breakfast omelet.  She has inspired me to be inspired by God, for He is truly the center of it all.  Gratitude is so very close to mindfulness: being aware of what is present.  When we are mindful, our eyes become open to how very blessed we are.

The Bible is overflowing with calls to be grateful.  1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”  God knows that gratitude is good for us.  It is good for us, but it is also glorifying to Him.

When you are in a state of gratitude, there is no room for depression or anxiety. Yes, life can be difficult and painful. Life is broken.  But God is grace.  Can you find your moment? Can you slow down your racing mind enough to see God?  Can you stop worrying about the weeds long enough to see God in the garden?  Can you stop being annoyed at your tantruming child long enough to be grateful for their voice?  Gratitude is the most unnatural, but most Natural thing we can do.  Giving thanks is a discipline, and I fail at this discipline daily.  Some days I just want to whine.  Some days I just want to be mad at the injustice in the world.  But the moments I get it, Ah, those are the moments worth living for.  When I truly stop to be grateful in my heart, that is when I am allowing myself to be in the presence of God.

Love in Christ,

            Shauna 

Easter & Earth Day

I hope everyone had a beautiful Easter weekend and experienced the true joy of a resurrected Christ.  I had a wonderful Easter, full of gardening, a somber Good Friday service, blessed times with lots of family, and an exciting Sunday morning celebration.  I love Easter, when I really stop and focus on the sacrifice of Christ Jesus for my sins.

Today is also Earth Day, where we remember to be grateful for God's creation and be good stewards. I'm excited to be gardening again this Spring.  Gardening is not just a hobby, but can be a restorative and spiritual process as well.  In being close to the earth, nurturing growth, and watching new life form, our spirits are nurtured as well.  I also feel a closeness to God when I'm fulfilling the call He first placed on Adam to take care of the Earth and utilize its resources. Right now, my garden looks like a lot of dirt, but soon I will have spinach and peppers and mint and more!  Makes me think of the transformative process Christ does in us.

"Could a garden come up from this ground at all?" This song, Beautiful Things, by Gungor also makes me think about God turns us from dirty messes to His beautiful creations. I love, love, love it.

I have also realized these past few weeks that blogging is hard! This is a discipline I have not yet mastered, so while I would love to be a regular blogger, I keep falling off the blogging wagon.  I'm on it again and trying to schedule some posts ahead of time to help me keep up.  To all my blogger friends out there, what tricks and tips have you found to keep yourself posting often?

You Are My Sunshine!

We have finally had a sunny, beautiful weekend! There is something about the sun and being outside that makes me feel healthier--both physically and mentally.  Not only am I more easily in a good mood and have more energy, but I am more excited to get out and exercise!

This weekend, I was able to participate in "Walk a Mile in Her Shoes" where over 1,000 people gathered to stop gender violence.  The men wore high heels, which was quite entertaining.  Many sports teams from the local college attended, which was so great to see! I love seeing men stand up against violence.  Jackson Katz would be proud, because as he says, violence against women is a men's issue. I love that I could combine being outside in the sunshine and support victims of domestic violence.  A charity walk/run is a great way to support a cause in which you believe and get outdoor exercise at the same time!

I also had a joyous time visiting with family.  My mother hosted a Spring Sing at her school, and we had a pizza party with my Nana and cousins afterwards.  Aunt Shauna was so excited to give M the pottery we painted two weeks ago. 

I finished off the sunshine filled weekend with my favorite summer time treat-- a smoothie! Smoothies are great because they are not only taste delicious, but they are packed with nutrients.  This smoothie has strawberries, frozen peaches, pineapple-coconut juice, and ice. I topped it off with chia seeds for omega-3s.  

I hope you were able to enjoy the sunshine this weekend and get outside.  I hear it may not last much longer... and there are even rumors that it could snow again (shutter!)... but I am very grateful for these few days of vitamin D!  I'm hopeful that this weekend's relaxation and fun will provide me with the fuel to get through another busy week!

Confessions of Control

Tolerating my imperfectly placed heart around the setting sun on the Big Island, HI.

I've known for a while now that I'm a rescuer, but I never realized how much I take on the emotional responsibilities of others.   I tend to decrease my anxiety by care-taking.  I don't do my care-taking in a physical way, but rather in a social and emotional way.  I feel safer when I know that the people around me are happy, and I somehow convinced myself that if everyone else is happy-- I will be happy.  The nice term for this is people-pleasing, but the not-so-nice term is people-controlling.  It's two sides of the same coin.  I like to make people happy. I hate to disappoint anyone. It's the recovering perfectionist in me, hiding a fear of not being good enough. 

I feel bad when you feel bad.  And in order to keep myself from feeling uncomfortable in your distress, I'm going to try to make everything work out perfectly.  I'm going to plan. And worry for you. I'm going to check in on your emotions, but I'm also going to try to fix what is going wrong in your life.   I'll take on your burdens and make them my burdens.  But once I've made them my burdens, I'm going to try to change the way you're doing things... because obviously it's not working. I'm going to start telling you what you should be doing instead. I've made this my problem now, and gosh darn it, this perfectionist needs to solve the problem. I mean, if I don't solve the problem, then there is something incompetent in me. (No, I don't think you're incompetent. You don't need me to solve it... I just need to solve it now for myself... that makes sense, right!??!)  While my therapeutic training has helped me break the "problem-solving" with clients and be able to sit with negative emotions, I continue to see their success as my success. And when your self-worth rests on the success of other people, well, that's a really scary place to be. 

This great article that a friend shared on Facebook really opened my eyes to my controlling tendencies, and has helped me to conceptualize the boundaries of what I should try to control.  My desire to control doesn't come from a malicious place, but really a broken place.  Part of my journey towards well-being is to realize the real Source of my self-worth.  God sees me as perfect because of what His Son did for me in His sacrifice, and as a Child of God, I do have tremendous value.  I'm not good because I succeed at my job or because other people say I'm good. I'm good because Christ died to make me that way. 

I have the head knowledge.  I know I have worth in God. And actually, I do really like who I am today.  But old patterns die hard. And Satan constantly tries to taint our heart knowledge--- he tries to convince us we are never good enough and we have no worth.  Satan knows the power that a healthy self-worth can have for a Christian working for the Kingdom.  That's why I think he attacks so many Christians in this area.  So it takes constant work.  I have to remind myself daily of God's love for me and my love for myself.  I have to notice my controlling patterns and set boundaries with people. I have to regulate my emotions, tolerating the discomfort of seeing people I love struggling and not saving them. I have to stop focusing on how I can change other people and focus more on how I can change myself.  I am so not there right now, and I feel incredibly vulnerable putting this struggle out there for anyone to see.  But this is my story, and I'll end with a quote that I truly believe by a woman who I deeply admire.

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” 

― Brené Brown


By exploring my darkness, I hope I not only discover my light, but His Light in me. 

I'm Back!

Much like The Mindy Project, I am BACK from my (unplanned) hiatus from blogging.  March was a very busy month at work with teaching 4 classes, helping to start a new service for co-parents, and traveling to Baltimore for a 3 day training... which became a two day training because of a snow day.  (Seriously, snow in March! I was very grateful for the sunshine today---welcome April! Let's put the snow behind us for a while, ok?)

Being busy at work tends to make life in general more stressful for me. I'm not very good at compartmentalizing.  So after a long, busy day, writing doesn't make my priority list. Not even journaling or blogging. I only have the energy for the light-hearted and easy. Here is what does make my priority list (in no particular order):

1. Television- Watching TV is just about the easiest coping skill I have. I'm not saying its the healthiest, but it certainly does make tuning out my real life quite simple. And it takes about 0% of my energy.  If you follow me on Facebook, you know I'm obsessed with The Mindy Project.  I'm also a huge fan of The Real Housewives-- currently Beverly Hills and New York have been filling 2 hours of my week. It's incredibly dramatic and kind of trashy if you ask my old roomies, but I love it. Love. It. I recently discovered House of Cards, which my dad and I have been binge watching. It is so addicting, but the characters are terrible, terrible people. You just can't stop watching though! I wish I didn't love TV so much, but the truth is, I do! So shoot me. (Ok, please don't. I'll miss out on all the shows I've DVR'd!)

2. Hanging Out- One of the new classes I'm teaching is only 10 minutes away from my besties, which means I get to have a mid-week sleep over every Wednesday!  I don't think I would have made it through March without regularly falling asleep on their couch watching The Mindy Project and drinking a glass of wine. I had a lot of other fun March dinners and events. Given that this is late on only the first day of April, I can't seem to remember many of them. But I promise, they refueled me!

3. Podcasts- While I managed to get some book and Bible study in (The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas is on my kindle), Podcasts are an excellent way for me to stay spiritually fed when my energy is low.  A good friend sent me a sermon series that rocked my world: Crash the Chatterbox from Elevation Church.  Check it out: http://feeds.feedburner.com/ElevationChurchCharlotte

Ok. That's it. I'm done for now. But I will be back again with more thoughts from the journey! But help me out, why don't ya! What helps you survive crazy times at work/school/life?

Mistakes

We all make them. We are all totally imperfect human beings. Yet how we handle our mistakes can be very influential on our well-being.

I was heavy hearted last week over a conversation I had with the women at the jail. We talked about the significance of their mistakes, mostly drug-related, on the course of their lives and the destruction of their families.  Tears filled our tiny classroom and pain filled my heart as I sat with these women, so full of love for their children but so broken by addiction and abuse. It was important for them to feel the pain of their actions and understand the consequences on those who cared for them.  It was a step in healing from these mistakes. They needed to feel remorse and gain that perspective in order to move forward in their journeys.

While we all need to feel the pain of our mistakes, we can't stay in that painful place forever.  Guilt is important when we have done something wrong. It motivates us to learn from that mistake and do something different in the future.  However when we sit and wallow in that pain for long periods of time, our guilt becomes shame.  When we shift from thinking, "I've done something bad" to "I am bad" we become paralyzed by our mistakes.  Rather than using our pain for motivation, we use our pain as an excuse for more mistakes.  And we get stuck in an awful cycle of trying to run from our shame, and thus creating more of it.

I am a perfectionist by nature.  I've realized that perfectionism is incredibly harmful to me, thus I've decided to be a "Recovering Perfectionist".  When I make a mistake, I have an old habit of beating myself up and focusing on the negative.  The thoughts of my mistakes can haunt me for years.  (I still remember the question I "should" have know on my IQ test when I was in 2nd grade about water being called H20... my 7 year old self could not believe I had forgotten that!)  I have had to remind myself constantly that it is ok to be imperfect. It is part of life to make mistakes.  I do not need to dwell on those mistakes, but rather need to make amends and determine what I can do better in the future.  I need to not only seek forgiveness from those I hurt, but to seek self-forgiveness.

When we harbor shame, we deny ourself the mercy and grace that we give to others.  No one truly deserves grace and mercy, but we have it. Not because we earned it, but because Christ earned it for us. I am imperfect and broken, but He is perfect and through His blood, He sees us as Whole.

25 Things I Learned about Life while I was 25

Lauren and me on my first day of 25.  I have a few more wrinkles on my last day of 25!

Twenty-five is one of those ages that stands out in your mind.  A quarter of a century old... time for that quarter-life crisis.  So as I finish my last day of being 25 years old, I wanted to reflect back on what I learned about life this year, the good and the bad.  So here is my list:

1.     Gratitude is the secret to joy.

2.     Having a job you love is totally worth all the sacrifices.

3.     Sexism in the workplace still exists.

4.     My friends are amazing. Like, really amazing.

5.    I like tequila.

6.     Be very careful when drinking tequila.

7.     My opinion of myself matters more than anyone else’s opinion of me.

8.     The energy we send out to the world makes a difference.

9.     I have to be my own advocate.

10. I still try to “rescue” people.

11. Notice beauty in the everyday.

12. Kindles really aren’t evil.

13. Gardening is good for the soul.

14. I have a problem with resentment.

15. Making music with talented musicians makes me a better musician.

16. Sometimes people will pay you to do what you love.

17. McFlurries just make a day better. (Warning: McFlurries also have addictive properties)

18. Yoga can change your life.

19. Simple is usually better.

20. God is still working for Good.

21. People in jail are still worthy people.

22. Even adults need hugs from their moms sometimes.

23. It’s important to make time to laugh and play.

24. Living with your best friend is awesome.

25. If my next 25 years are as blessed as my first 25 years, I’ll have one wonderful life. 

Streams in the Wasteland

I am loving this verse right now! "I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19. 

I love that this verse stands for Hope. Renewal. Redemption. 

Not that very long ago, I was in a bit of a life crisis.  I was suffering in my job and felt totally burnt out. Everything I thought I knew about what I wanted in life and what I had thought was my Calling, suddenly didn't seem to be very life-giving. Rather, I felt that I was in a barren wasteland, lost and wandering. I didn't see what God was doing until He did it. 

God did make a way for me. He did provide a stream in my wasteland through a new position that fits me better... where I can do a better job at showing Love and Grace.  And I feel refreshed.

Whatever desert you are in, there is Hope.  God provides for His Children. He doesn't promise that we'll never experience the wasteland.  He does promise that He'll be with us and help us through it.