Mistakes

We all make them. We are all totally imperfect human beings. Yet how we handle our mistakes can be very influential on our well-being.

I was heavy hearted last week over a conversation I had with the women at the jail. We talked about the significance of their mistakes, mostly drug-related, on the course of their lives and the destruction of their families.  Tears filled our tiny classroom and pain filled my heart as I sat with these women, so full of love for their children but so broken by addiction and abuse. It was important for them to feel the pain of their actions and understand the consequences on those who cared for them.  It was a step in healing from these mistakes. They needed to feel remorse and gain that perspective in order to move forward in their journeys.

While we all need to feel the pain of our mistakes, we can't stay in that painful place forever.  Guilt is important when we have done something wrong. It motivates us to learn from that mistake and do something different in the future.  However when we sit and wallow in that pain for long periods of time, our guilt becomes shame.  When we shift from thinking, "I've done something bad" to "I am bad" we become paralyzed by our mistakes.  Rather than using our pain for motivation, we use our pain as an excuse for more mistakes.  And we get stuck in an awful cycle of trying to run from our shame, and thus creating more of it.

I am a perfectionist by nature.  I've realized that perfectionism is incredibly harmful to me, thus I've decided to be a "Recovering Perfectionist".  When I make a mistake, I have an old habit of beating myself up and focusing on the negative.  The thoughts of my mistakes can haunt me for years.  (I still remember the question I "should" have know on my IQ test when I was in 2nd grade about water being called H20... my 7 year old self could not believe I had forgotten that!)  I have had to remind myself constantly that it is ok to be imperfect. It is part of life to make mistakes.  I do not need to dwell on those mistakes, but rather need to make amends and determine what I can do better in the future.  I need to not only seek forgiveness from those I hurt, but to seek self-forgiveness.

When we harbor shame, we deny ourself the mercy and grace that we give to others.  No one truly deserves grace and mercy, but we have it. Not because we earned it, but because Christ earned it for us. I am imperfect and broken, but He is perfect and through His blood, He sees us as Whole.

25 Things I Learned about Life while I was 25

Lauren and me on my first day of 25.  I have a few more wrinkles on my last day of 25!

Twenty-five is one of those ages that stands out in your mind.  A quarter of a century old... time for that quarter-life crisis.  So as I finish my last day of being 25 years old, I wanted to reflect back on what I learned about life this year, the good and the bad.  So here is my list:

1.     Gratitude is the secret to joy.

2.     Having a job you love is totally worth all the sacrifices.

3.     Sexism in the workplace still exists.

4.     My friends are amazing. Like, really amazing.

5.    I like tequila.

6.     Be very careful when drinking tequila.

7.     My opinion of myself matters more than anyone else’s opinion of me.

8.     The energy we send out to the world makes a difference.

9.     I have to be my own advocate.

10. I still try to “rescue” people.

11. Notice beauty in the everyday.

12. Kindles really aren’t evil.

13. Gardening is good for the soul.

14. I have a problem with resentment.

15. Making music with talented musicians makes me a better musician.

16. Sometimes people will pay you to do what you love.

17. McFlurries just make a day better. (Warning: McFlurries also have addictive properties)

18. Yoga can change your life.

19. Simple is usually better.

20. God is still working for Good.

21. People in jail are still worthy people.

22. Even adults need hugs from their moms sometimes.

23. It’s important to make time to laugh and play.

24. Living with your best friend is awesome.

25. If my next 25 years are as blessed as my first 25 years, I’ll have one wonderful life. 

Streams in the Wasteland

I am loving this verse right now! "I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19. 

I love that this verse stands for Hope. Renewal. Redemption. 

Not that very long ago, I was in a bit of a life crisis.  I was suffering in my job and felt totally burnt out. Everything I thought I knew about what I wanted in life and what I had thought was my Calling, suddenly didn't seem to be very life-giving. Rather, I felt that I was in a barren wasteland, lost and wandering. I didn't see what God was doing until He did it. 

God did make a way for me. He did provide a stream in my wasteland through a new position that fits me better... where I can do a better job at showing Love and Grace.  And I feel refreshed.

Whatever desert you are in, there is Hope.  God provides for His Children. He doesn't promise that we'll never experience the wasteland.  He does promise that He'll be with us and help us through it. 

The Thief of Joy

Here is my latest BCOG newsletter article. I have struggled for a long time with comparison... and I think it's something that plagues everyone, but especially Twenty-Somethings. I'd love your thoughts!

http://lucrenshaw.com/2012/02/06/tell-me-tell-me/ 

Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy”.  This strikes a chord with me.  How much of my life do I spend comparing myself to other people? How long do I focus on my inadequacies and feeling that I am not enough?  I so often look around at other people succeeding and thriving, and I wonder why I’m not where they are.  It’s all about comparison and it’s a downward spiral towards hopelessness.

The Message translation of Galatians 5:25-26 says, Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.

Paul knew that comparison steals joy.  He knew that when we are living in the Spirit, we are not to focus on how we measure up according to those around us. What truly matters is if we are living in the will of God and fulfilling His purposes.  Focusing on how we compare to others distracts us from living the life that He has for us.  God could be calling us each to something amazing according to His standards, but we miss out on it because we are afraid of the responses of those around us.  

What are you closed off to because of comparison or fear or shame? Is it that opportunity to mentor a young person? Or a mission trip you just don’t feel experienced enough to go on? Or maybe it is even attending Sunday School because you’re afraid others will see your flaws.  God can use you and grow you in incredible ways if you stop allowing comparison to paralyze you.  Refusing to compare yourself to others is not easy.  If comparison has been a practice for you like it has been for me, stopping will take time.  But we can do it through becoming aware of when comparison is our motivator and refocusing on the Voice of God.

God doesn’t see us as one better than another. Rather, He loves us more than we could ever imagine—infinitely more.  But accepting that love is difficult.  Believing that God has forgiven my sins and sees me as worthy is so tough when the world, and sometimes Christians in the world, remind us of our inadequacies.  When we use shame and legality to try to change people, we are working against God’s desire for the church to love others. God doesn’t shame us. He doesn’t make us earn His love by acting in all the right ways.  All we have to do is accept the gift of Jesus, and we are redeemed.  Through the lens of the cross, there is no comparison.  Christ died for one and Christ died for all.  If comparison is the thief, Christ is certainly the giver of joy!

Be Blessed,

Shauna